Thursday, 7 May 2009

Arrivals

So here they are -at Heathrow. Daughter staggered down the Arrivals yellowbrick road, covered in suitcases, back packs and bags and pushing Beautiful Babe in a battered stroller. No help at all from Glamorous Virgins as they paraded past in their sprauncey scarlet uniforms and high heels.

We arrived about 20 mins before she did, after an easy drive for the first 2 hours then slow, or worse no-mo traffic for the last 20mins, and heightened BP from us.

We were so excited and relieved on leaving airport we got instantly lost in the Big City and had to plug in the SatNav to find our way to the M25 and all parts E.

We visited great grandma yesterday who was fairly pleased to see us, but declined a visit to Mothercare because " there is nothing I there want !" i pointed out the idea was to buy things for her g'son, but she wasn't tempted.


We bought this cradle thingy from ToysrUs which is also up on the OutofTown complex, unbeknownst to me, who until now has not needed to know such things.


It is excellent with a little foot action to jiggle it when wanted, it also has an arch of toys [bit like the new Wembley Stadium, which we could see on our wide travels on the return journey from Heathrow]

It sings and jiggles, on batteries of course but that doesn't seem necessary with a besotted g'ma to hand [or foot]Daughter and BB sleeping now, RP upstairs computering and West Indies 81 for 2 on the gog. So far so good.



Monday, 4 May 2009

moving on


I have spent all day, so far, dredging across my work room to make it habitable for daughter and Beautiful Babe, who are due tomorrow. Now she has a bed and so does BB, there is a changing table and nappies...............nowhere to put clothes, oh dear.
I will no longer have a Room of My Own, but I do have a Room with a View as i can see from one side to the other without wincing [well depending on your level of cleanliness etc].
Fortunately BB is already bought up in the style to which I am accustomed, dogs and cats and general mulch.
We will have to leave early for Heathrow tomorrow to make sure we don't get stuck on the M25 or some such. There was a 25 miles queue first day of the holiday weekend.
We have our local exhibition up and running down at the Marina. Marcus the Farmer delivered the display boards on his tractor with lifting attachment, so he could raise them to the top of the balcony staircase and the Men could slide them off without having to puff up the steps with them. Magic, such skill, he did it in a twinkling, no false moves, amazing hidden skills people have.
I stewarded yesterday, which was OK as I could sit and stitch, hand out info sheets and make wisecracks with my elderly Lacemaker friend. She is extremely opinionated, and woe betide [?} anyone who tries to tell her what to do. But she has a great dry sense of humour that keeps me entertained.
There was a unknown woman seated nearby patchworking; unhappily she didn't sew one over her mouth, as she spent all her time, endlessly and loudly, telling people her medical stories, her opinion on "so called Progress" and started on how she thought she must have gone "abroad" when she went into town these days. She must have heard the snap of my neck muscles as I took aim, as she gave up that topic immediately.
Fortunately I sold 2 or 3 pieces it seems, after I left apparently, and some cards I had made to endeavour to pay for my annual membership so I will have even more room in my room. The pic is of "Disco" a non seller, only £20 too. I bought a wooden carved rattle for the BB and am still in profit,which is pleasing.

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

sunny days

We had a lovely walk among the bluebells, in the woods, beside the river. And we heard our first cuckoo, may be previous inattention, but it was a thrill none the less.
Every time I take a picture of Hatters it meanders through my mind that it might be the last, but I think I am just a morbid old biddy trying to control nastiness by pre-empting it.
Ah ha can't surprise me.................
I guess I should add in these troubled times that I worry about this not because of the "pig flu " pandemic seeing us all off before we can actually destroy civilisation as we know it by our own idiocy, but because young Hattie is twelve and a half and covered in so many lumps she resembles a bag of sprouts.
The bluebells are wonderful and will hopefully survive us all, but is a bluebell beautiful if no-one is there to make the judgement?




A few days ago we took our retired old bones down into Essex and had lunch by the River Blackwater.


In years gone by I used to holiday there with my parents and Lucky the First Dog. We stayed in the paternal grandma's holiday home made from an old railway carriage. It was unusual I guess even then, the rest of the farmer's field was lined with the dreaded caravans so derided by all car drivers. But this "home" never moved again so had high self esteem.


Step-granddad ............ nana had [unusually in the 1920s?] divorced my father's father as she took exception to being dragged around by her hair as a punishment for having an opinion.. She kept it short after that. Father was fostered out for several years till things settled down and thereby had an excuse/reason to act the goat ever after]
Anyway granddad was a grainer by trade, i.e. he could use paint and varnish to make cheap wood look like walnut and oak etc. so the carriage looked like a small palace previosly used by a pre-revolution Czar on his journeys to the hinterlands to wave to the grateful serfs


The Blackwater is a tidal river and the Thames barges used to carry cargo into Essex, as they used to here too. They are very fine ships/boats and still carry rich couples or poorer tourists around the coast and over to Europe.
A canal also links to the river, it was pleasing to see the lovingly maintained narrow boats; and that Mary Seacole had found such a peaceful berth.
We used to take narrow boat holidays when the kids were younger. Unfortunately as i can't do things in reverse[the tiller goes the other way to that which you wish to achieve] I had the job of winding the wheel that opens the gigantic lock gates.
After the kids [bored as only teenagers can be] had a fist fight on the tow path we waited till they had left home before attempting another canal. It is so wonderful [if you are not a teenager] waking up in the morning mist with a heron on the bank and bacon frying in the galley. However those gates are heavy so we haven't been recently.
Maybe the BB will appreciate it one day.

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

beginnings


The piggy flu seems to be flying around the globe. Bit worrying, haven't stock piled food and water for the plague siege, yet, however.

I am wondering if daughter and Beautiful Babe will risk the plane journey next week from California, and the one back, two weeks later.

Breathing recycled air for 10 hours x2 is not to be recommended at the best of times.

I went shopping in the baby section today, first time for 30 odd years. Some things have changed, no sign of terry towelling nappies, but lots of gizmos and "wipes" which didn't exist in the dark ages.

BB is now 5+ months it seems, I can't keep up, and is starting on single grain rice with expressed breast milk for supper. Oh Cor Blimey, it put my own boobs all of a twitter at the thought. I never used a breast pump either and somehow daughter's news made my nipples quiver. As long as I don't start dripping.

Bought some towels for BB which I guess I have to wash in Comfort or some such to keep them nice and soft. I prefer a nice rough towel job myself, but i believe I have a large Comfort somewhere at the back of the cupboard that came free with something.

BB, I am told, can't be doing with anything perfumed, but happily Sainsbury's is across all that and we could get unperfumed wipes [oh my lord].

Had to go to the SuperMarket as i don't think we have a baby shop in town, Mothercare curled up and left years ago. Unlike the huge warehouses of choice they have in the States. So where do I get the changing mat, baby's bath, does he still need a baby's bath, I dunno.

Fortunately I can borrow [I hope] a child's car seat from a friend's daughter, maybe she can lend the bath too. Again no car seats when mine were tiny, the nurse just handed them over, blanket wrapped, at the hospital steps and after that you were on your own.

The district nurse person visited for the first few days. Unfortunately I outraged the first one by not being able to conjure up the polite word for baby son's poop from my exhausted brain.

The second babe [daughter] was bought back to a caravan on the archaeological dig [bronze age pit dwellers] by taxi and tractor [it was in the midst of farmland]. The visiting nurse took one look at the camp site, heaving with hairy diggers, no running water or electricity and refused to return.

Worse thing was the diggers had overdug the garbage pit - so son [21months] was happily toddling to the edge and peering down into the 20' depths to see where the wasps were buzzing to.

Archaeologists are infamous for their nonchalant disregard of comfort [personal, not softener] so I just carried on. Being in a caravan with a hissing Tilley lamp at night, all sleeping in the same "room" was somehow very comforting. We moved on in a couple of months so that First Husband could do his degree at Durham University, but it was never as cosy and safe as in the middle of that field again. The kids have remained close, if fighting on occasion, so maybe it was a good beginning.

Monday, 20 April 2009

garden matters





The good news is the Snakehead Fritillaries have done really well this year. We bought a seedling when we went to visit a farm that had a field covered in them, so wonderful. each year they open the farm to visitors, but that year it was very wet and all the cars got stuck in the mud and had to be pulled out by the tractor.
The plant has been staggering on in a big clay pot on the East bank facing the frosty morning sun, it seems they need pretty hard conditions to flourish, so I reckoned that would be perfect.
They are strong this year - I am tempted to plant them actually in the bank and see if they will spread.

Sadly the nights are still cold and windy so most of the magnolia petals have fallen but they look so scrumptious on the grass it makes a good excuse not to mow right up to the tree yet.



There is a bit of a demarcation dispute at the bottom of the garden. We get on well with them, it is good to hear their two little kids cavorting around. They have a huge wooden climbing frame and an even larger circular bouncy thing, with a net round it that they jump, kick many balls both rugby and footie, and generally seem to live in.

However there is now a bit of friction. Their house is even further down the bank, so "we look down on them". Recently they did a bit more terracing and started edging onto the bottom path. This is a right of way from the lane, across the bottom of our garden to the neighbours next to us on the hill [not much town planning when these cottages were built] so it has to be defended or how will R and Ben and Milly, [two large dogs] navigate to home with the morning papers?

Now they have tied this rope and the RP is not convinced it is accurate to the nearest centimetre, which is why he had to start adding height.

Two Shows






Saw this vegetable quilt at a friend's show, it was very appealing. It would be nice to make a quilt based on the garden........one for each season. hopefully there will be time.



I once had the desire to make a full size double bed quilt, with a cricket pitch and all the daft names they use with a serious face. Silly mid on etc. haven't sorted that yet either.



This week I have made 2 [out of 3 Fat Ladies] as I hope to make " Soft Sculpture"as they call it of my Pink Blowsey Women, cavorting among the pink roses, a competition piece.




Sadly I didn't win, but they have asked us to develop our designs so I am taking it to the next level and damn it if they can't take a joke. We were stewarding an exhibition on Sunday and L. taught me how to make a fabric rose so I am trying to make my figure into a human rose..........RP is not impressed which is not a good sign.

This is a Fat Dancing Chicken from the show too.



This is one of L's stitching based on some of the bits of the machinery in the Steam Engine museum, the exhibition was quite a success because lots of people came to see it, who wouldn't usually cross the threshold to see textile art. Some husbands followed their wives into the room looking very trepidatious, but were soon intrigued. Either they went round identifying each piece with great pride at their expertise, or bought a piece of work to hang on their [garage?]wall.

It was good to have a whole day to sit with friends and stitch while welcoming enthusiastic visitors, no washing up or hoovering to deflect, not even the doggy to walk. Totally exhausting being sociable for so long however.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Rather than topping myself in angst/tantrum I did some dyeing instead.

The rather marvellous RP took delivery half way thru the mucky process of a presi for me, I don't think it was a bribe to cheer/shut me up, but it did the job.

I now have a little video camera thingy, so I can make moving pictures of the daughter and g'son when they appear next month. In the mean time, I can record lesser events like creating strange coloured fabrics and hands.

I am not good with instructions so I splashed some acid dye, urea and soda water about and added manutex to thicken and had a splosh, - in various directions. Also screen printed some colour on, but didn't cut any stencils as I find that when I make definite pics on the fabric I just gaze at them, bemused, and can't think how to stitch. Hopefully the sploshes will not be so intimidating.

For the Cambridge exhibition we are apparently going to fill the entrance with twigs and branches hung with fantastic textile leaves, so maybe these will be good for that. I did do a bit of printing by spreading the dyes on bubble wrap and pressing that onto the fabric to get some organic type shapes. Circles are always good, I feel.

This video is very short and took several centuries to down load so I will save the doggy walk to the river till another time.

The RP had a second delivery today, 2 rather skimpy flat packed garden obelisks, up which he will encourage some courgettes to climb. He was twice blessed [happy partner, happy self] but lo - in the post he found a cheque to say he had won a small, but very welcome, amount on ERNIE;

Retired persons have to spread their parting stash around to try and ensure that something will survive these uncertain crunchy times. He bought some premium bonds last month, and now is a winner! I think I remember people saying [in pre Lottery times when ERNIE was popular] that new buyers often seem to win.

ERNIE obviously has a bad back and can't dig very deep past the new numbers, so I doubt it will happen again as the numbers age, and sink without trace. However three gifts in one day!Apologies to the Goddess [and slandered colleagues] for my mean temper, I will be a little ray of sunshine from now on.

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

dressed to kill


I am still the Queen of Grumps even tho it is a lovely day, sunny, breezy, freedom of the parish................Booo.
At the Mansion they had an " Out of the Box" day where the curator [famous daughter of famous friend] took some of the nineteenth century clothes they have in storage and waved them in the sunshine for a while.
As usual the museum doesn't have the resources, or the will, to keep a textile collection accessible, so this was a rare opportunity to get up close and personal to a heavily embroidered and beaded afternoon dress made about 150 years ago. Should cheer a girl up, - not really.

This is the boned [whale] and corded top. Dresses were made as separates then, brushed never washed.
But the linen or cotton underclothes were fresh each day [if you could afford the staff].
Linen is preferable it seems it soaks up the sweat best.
This is the corset worn over the linen and under the jacket. It is structured with a phalanx of whale bones and stitched cords and tied with non-authentic purple ribbons. Apparently most women would not pull them so tight they fainted, for every day wear anyway. Good - historic women were not hysteric, as a rule.

This a dress to go walking in. it is black and white striped, exquisite pleating and construction, a heavy black underskirt, many layered at the bottom, like the top skirt so it would swirl and whirl above your boots. But plain, all the detail and attention in this part of the century would be on the bosom, in earlier years it was on bustled and complicated skirts.


Curator woman was asked why more textiles weren't on show, and gave the usual excuses; but she said she had tried putting on a display of 70s clothes [of which they had few] recently and the local burghers had complained that they weren't appropriate to the august surroundings.
In the entrance hall they had some replica clothes from various eras and visitors were invited to try them on and have a prance.


Very sweet.


More people turned up than the curator expected [she comes from New Zealand but they must have Easter holidays there too, children that need outings, parents that need diversions for children..............] there were not enough chairs.

The kids were surprisingly patient standing in clumps round the wall as she talked about the clothes [ the old people like me had nabbed the available chairs early]. Surprising, the media will have us believe kids have a thirty second concentration span and that's only if they are plugged into virtual reality. maybe it was a select group as their elders had already successfully manoeuvred them into a museum.






My two compatriots were presumably in a better mood than me, not a comfortable position for any of us, but maybe they didn't notice.

Who can tell, they both communicate from behind a mask of reserve. K is so polite she would say thank you to her murderer and clean up any spillage.

A keeps herself under very tight control and peers disapprovingly over her high fence topped with a measured array of broken glass.

And moi. I am just a bad tempered, sulky old cow who doesn't deserve friends.




Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Easter





No egg rolling here, or even Chocolate eggs. RP went to church on Sunday as usual, I read books [Missing Joseph an old Elizabeth George - over egged IMO; started the new Donna Leon which I can pass on to ma for her birthday if I am careful not to spill tea on it] and swished fabrics and threads around without much result.



No kids around , but daughter and g'son are due next month so that will promote gaiety.




Don't usually go far on Bank Holidays, loads of peeps turn up at the pub by the river and resolutely sit outside on the benches tho the weather hasn't shone too much yet. Took a short trip to the other side of the river and walked Hattie the dog.
If you can see the face it is me!

Somehow the theme of pics seemed to focus on the gargoyley dead trees rather than the new green leaves.

I guess the new medication is subduing the migraine but the moody old headache is still breaking through.

Friday, 10 April 2009

steam ahead


The Arches and the Cavorters are coming along, but decisions have to be made............ which is always painful. I hope that like the magnolia tree they will blossom, eventually. At the moment they are more like weeds - out of control.
I am mightily encouraged that my last 2 pieces sold this week. The Patchwork ladies at the steam engine museum [that does sound odd] and the Garrett girls in the lace collars.




The exhibition sold well as a whole as the museum had a "steam up day"........... they got the old Steam Engines working and took kids for rides round the village.







The visitors were surprised to find the bonus of the exhibition and most of them had not seen anything like it. It was great to show to a new audience, instead of other textile artists taking notes. I did mean to take photos of the other pieces, there were some really lovely designs, mostly abstract, beautiful colours and stitching. I have to steward on the last day, so I will take pics then.

blossoming




It's been sunny today, at last, so that made everything seem so much better. The garden is becoming colourful, - next door dragged us into their garden so we could appreciate the full glory of our flowering bushes from their side. Nothing too special really, just pink flowering black current, forsythias and that white one - wedding veil maybe?
The primroses down the bank are really showing off among the wild blue ?narcissus bulbs and the daffodils have lasted long enough to wave at the tulips.
The Madonna lilies Auntie Cinders always asks after [she gave them to us] have finally admitted they are still alive by poking leaves above the surface, I was convinced Retired Person had squashed the life out of them with his big boots.
The magnolia is best yet, should have taken a pic while the sun was out. We planted it about 8/9 years ago, and used to count the flowers each year which in 2000 was easy, [found the pic] I reckon this is the first year they are too many to enumerate, which is very fine.

We are hopeless gardeners really, most things just grow, or don't, but we are learning slowly - so get very excited if the garden ever looks attractive, in spite of our administrations, or more likely lack of.
In the conservatory two amaryllis have burst into 3 great scarlet trumpets, each with a second bud promising more riches. They haven't flowered for a couple of years, which all goes to show what a bit of watering and tomato food can achieve, apparently they don't hold a grudge. No pic as the battery in the camera has died.

Sunday, 5 April 2009

stitched up

In spite of all the fights and fits of the vapours on Saturday we got it together had one of our Grown Up Stitching Ladies networking conferences, started with and AGM and everything. Managed to exit one Chairperson and finagle in the new one without any blood on the floor, just a few slightly edgy comments.
It was a long day, bits of it were good, bits were very good and the rest was a pain. An afternoon nap would have been a very good idea.
The piece of work above is done in Blackwork, a traditional stitch the Elizabethans prized for the Queen's decorated sleeves and other less exalted rich ladies and gents. [double click to see stitching, I hope]
Random Rebecca was the leader for one of four workshops, this was a sample of her work when she was a student. Now she is out in the big wide world, - unfortunately her workshop was not not so carefully planned - relying on leafing thru her sketch books and chatting.
I guess I would have sulked less if the stories had been more interesting, the sketch books of better quality or if the whole thing didn't mean I had to sit there for an hour and a half with no sewing to keep me acquiescent.

She was charming, but she is going to have learn that we need more than charm and even talent these days. That makes me sound such a sour puss, but there you have it, women do have to try harder.


This work shop was the opposite, run by a leader who was so intense and focused she could hardly spare time to breathe, guess there was no pleasing me.

We had a competition where the members were each sent a print of a sample of original fabric stored at the Archive, the challenge was to develop the piece into something else. I enjoyed this one called Bad Hair Day.
I didn't win anything, which was justice as there were some very good examples among the 37 entered. My sample was of blousey pink roses, so being my flippant self I redesigned it with some of my blousey pink ladies cavorting among the petals. Except for me and Bad Hair Day - everyone else took it seriously.
The best part was a talk from one of the members about the research she is doing in a nineteenth century Foundlings Hospital.
It was set up to take in and care for abandoned babies. Mothers who hoped for a better life for their babes left them with a token. So that if times improved they could identify the token and claim the children back again. The Charity is no more, but the records are all stored at the museum in the original big iron box.
Janette has been unwrapping the written records for each babe revealing the scraps of cloth, often stitched, even knitted, secreted within. Some are just bits of ribbon, a scrap of cotton, part of a sleeve, a little bonnet, half a playing card. It was heart breaking, but at the same time I think we felt part of the continuity of women, stitching life together best we can.









good day, bad day

The good news is - this family of bunnies made by me and my mother, thanks to Heide.
I don't do a lot of things together with my ma, [we don't really like each other] actually we made these separately but at least we got it together in the end and put the tails on the rabbits.
Ma is now busily knitting the squares for me to manipulate into herbivores; one of the nice things she [and other ornery old ladies] does [everyone has their good points] is make up shoes boxes of toys and knitted hats, scarves and gloves which get sent to children in need in war zones and the like, so they can now include woolly pets.

The bad news is - I crumped the car-outside the dentists. Not content with Mr Pliers taking more than twenty minutes to pull a tooth out of my poor innocent gum, I got an infection and had to go back and get antibiotics. I was worrying about what was in front of me, not what I was reversing into.



Saturday, 28 March 2009

cold and grey


I am a spoilt petulant pensioner this morning, not a pretty sight. When I was away last week it was up and out, not wandering around with a vague headache not wanting to do anything, but knowing that the thing i do worst is Nothing.
The weather is atrocious, cold, wet grey.
We have had a double radiator fitted while we were away in the NE Wing, as that room is never warm. Now if we keep the door closed and lean on it the blood does continue to circulate in our tired old veins, rather than coagulate in cold hard lumps round our wizened hearts.
The Committee Ladies of the recently formed Stitching Forum have disintegrated into Apprentice type squabbling and resigning while I was away, so embarrassing.
When I was young, [tra la] we women were all consciousness raising and working together to change the world. Now so many women are wearing pink, pole dancing and tearing at each others jugular.
Obviously I have stayed away from their meetings as I am well aware that these days
I am much too paranoid to wish to be in any committee, as I know the in-fighting will lead to tears before bed time. I edit the eNewsletter instead and encourage creativity and sharing, much easier
If I was on The Apprentice I would probably throttle myself within minutes trying to stop myself saying something that would start a war. The Women's team lost this week. Even in the Charity version recently the female team, who won, were apparently daggers drawn within hours.
Men just seem to form a battalion and charge, often in the wrong direction but they save their in fighting until they have worked out who the real competition is. I guess it is all those team games.
I played hockey at school. No i didn't, I was put in goal and snarled at the hard balls hit at me till they let me go and sulk elsewhere. I don't want to compete, winning or losing is embarrassing and I definitely don't want to be anonymously in the middle.
Also I have no forward planning, having refused all board games [except Risk] since I could toddle. RP bought an version of the Roman game 9 mens morris or whatever at the Villa visit and instantly beat me hollow, he was cheating by planning ahead.
Daughter is very competitive and fits in much better in the States where it is viewed as admirable. On the other side of the cent American women are often so supportive and encouraging, purring praises that in our self depreciating culture would be suspected to be sarcasm.

Thursday, 26 March 2009

woof

We met up with some old friends for lunch.
S and I have known each other for so long, it was lovely to see her again, always puts me in mind of Vonnegut's novel where extra terrestrials saw each other as sort of long holograms of their whole lives, the past and the present were all present.
S and D have been married nearly as long as I have known them, the 4years at the start when we were all single seem less and less present, a shared.......myth almost.
When I was in turmoil they gave me sanctuary while I lurched forward to these greener pastures.
I was at the wedding and funeral of their sorely missed youngest.
We are linked.
Our chat over lunch tended to focus hilariously on our individual decrepitudes, but the fact that we managed to stagger off for an hour and a half walk with Hattie the dog was encouraging, and D plans to cross to the Continent and take part in a cycling race across the Alps in the summer, so there is hope..................
We arrived at the meeting place via the SatNav, occasionally the nice purring voiced lady would instruct us to take a sharp left or whatever in a somewhat surprising way, which we worked out was because the roads had changed since she was given her script. It is sensible to always have the map book open too, so you don't end up in Timbuktu.
However as we sat in the pub car park, suffused with the glow of success, we noticed the SatNav was pronouncing Bow Wow on it's screen.
Maybe the machine was having some form of breakdown - however on taking Hattie up the Lane for her constitutional, we discovered it was the name of the lane.


roaming with the romans

Went to a Roman Villa today, mostly fourth century remains, tho they lived there for 3 centuries before going home. The mosaic floors were very lively with figures cavorting around and geometric designs for the more formal rooms. this spring is reminiscent of the wells near here, tho this one has a longer history.
It still had a wall round it which made it seem cosy and accessible, the info showed us [in the usual mediocre sketch they provide] how it would have looked as a shrine to a water deity. There were the usual hypocausts , and these posher under floor heating pillars which suggested the family were pretty rich, and comfortable at one time.

An elderly visitor asked the guide if the invading Vandals had destroyed the areas of mosaic that were missing by lighting fires as they squatted in the abandoned buildings. No they eroded over the centuries you ignoramus

My hackles rose, usual vision of the world being destroyed by uncivilised yobs [teddy boys, hoodies whatever].

No you nervous nelly, the Saxons [not the Vandals] didn't live in the valleys at all, because by the time the Romans finally left their law and order had broken down [the vandals were sacking Rome not cold wet here]and the Saxons [including those Romans who had married in, and stayed behind] had to build defendable homesteads on high ground.

Is it inevitable that as one gets older one gets more fearful of the young. I've a strong core of paranoia but I hope it never settles on fear of change.

Perhaps feeling "got at" is inevitable staying here in Middle England, "Private" notices everywhere and even their gates look as if they would like to gnaw my bones, but this spring was fun.