the journey is the destination

Have been having a bit of a go at this oil painting [in between daughter and g'son cavorting around]
Also have started three [count them!] Altered Books. 
One is a kiddies book Are You My Mother [lots of undercurrants there]  next is a 1930s advice little hardback called Hints and Wrinkles [ housework and dog defleaing] and the last is a facsimile of A Notebook  by Rothko - The Artist's Reality, Philosophies of Art [lots of opportunities for iconoclasm and pontificating as the mood takes me.
So far all I have achieved is to Gesso out some pages so I can doodle .................still it's a start.

Thinking is easier than Doing

 ArtSkool has set us a summer project which i think I may explore thru the medium of dance.......as they say.  The above pic [dunno where it comes from which will not please the tutors] is very satisfying and I hope to paint something like, if I can choose an approach...........guess it is based on old Matisse' painting

 I would like to introduce some of the whimsy of Eileen Cooper to some of the work

 These figures that I have made recently will dance round a ruined tower I think.........

 Magdalena Abromovitch [I think I may have missed an itch or two] does these monumental figures, but the sculpture room at ArtSkool has a very laddish hard edged atmosphere which I think may be intimidating, making figures at home is possible but transportation is a problem.

 Kiki Smith has many and various explorations of the female

 Munch is not too hopeful in his Dance of Death...............

 Picasso says just get on with it!!

arrivals

Only thing that hasn't arrived is the sun.

sitting ducks

atrium

The sun is shining but I have got a bit dull.  End of term I suppose, glad it is finishing, sad it is finishing. No more ArtSkool till October!  Stupid.
We are putting up our first years exhibition in the Atrium, 3 floors of light filled tower, work gets a bit lost in the brightness to be honest.

 Fortunately mine is quite large and insistently black and white.....but between two toilets.

Tutor suggested I give Big Nuddey some hair, which was annoying, but I think maybe he was right.  I have named her End of Days. Other tutor suggested I left the chair there as part of the installation, tutors are like that.

I am very tired and irritable, don't know if it is old age or justifiable after getting up too early for a whole semester. 

Went in for my last portrait class on Friday and really would have liked to stick my big bad hog hair brush ........somewhere, don't know where, just tired and bad tempered.     Mother sat for 3 weeks, reading her kindle [one of Ann Cleeves crime stories set in the Shetlands] and was very patient, which possibly also wound me up. 

Also some of the other students are very good, so I feel very small..........

Had a long chat with the sculpture tutor, which consoled me briefly, [he is very attractive] till having taken 2 paces down the corridor I realised had solved nothing at all.  He should be a politician.

I can't make up my mind whether to do painting and sculpture next year, or just painting.  The sculpture room is very laddish, and the tutor loves chatting to the chaps, and admiring their welding. I need a regular sit down tutorial and other students to network with, to focus me and gee me up.

I have been isolating myself lately, trying to get work finished, plus watching TV and sleeping when ever poss. so maybe the summer holidays have come just in time.

Have started stitching some pieces for the exhibition in July, soothing running stitches.

end of days

Had a really nasty fluey cold which left me fed up and wondering just why am i bothering. 

Not sure I know the answer, but the sun has come out and my lady tutor noticed I was depressed and gave me a big hug.  Unlike my 2 male tutors who strode over my dead body without breaking stride.  Artists are rarely team players, lady tutor whispered in my ear.

Partly it is because the end of semester is nigh. 

Since I am Part Time/half price I am not featuring in the final assessment exhibition, thus feel left out!  Also male tutor instructs us to clear all our work/rubbish from the building after the exhibition, thus I am forced to accept that my blood letting and head banging to produce "work" will only result in full recycling bins.

Have one more male tutor day, and two more with trainee lady tutor, whom I have learnt to appreciate, even tho she pronounces everyone's work as "awesome" rather than - where's the bin..........she is doing her training year, so produces lesson plans and individual tuition. 

She'll grow out of that in time.  We are doing portraits with her, so this is my first attempt at my mother, whom i persuaded to sit for us.  Ma quite enjoyed meeting new people - finding them quite agreeable was a pleasant surprise to her. Dunno what she expected, more of Me maybe.

Will start a new painting of her tomorrow, this one will perhaps get re-painted - or binned......or both

We have a Summer Project to tide us over, plus a Textile Art exhibition or 2 coming up. Daughter and grandson are due next month.

A person jumped off the bridge last week, he missed the river and hit the road,  I plan a painting of the two decaying bouquets placed at the foot of the bridge stretching it's grey cement to the blue sky.  That'll cheer me up.

more work needed

Back to Art Skool on Monday, with a cold generously donated by Him Indoors. I look somewhat like the lady painted below, but she is just a random pic off the web which I experimented with, in my first go at Oils!  I bought some Oil Bars, very much fun, like big soft crayons but are oil paint and wax, which, it is claimed dry faster.  Watched a UTube video to learn process, as obviously it is below tutors to  indulge in such practises as tutoring.

She looked haunted in the pic as you can see?,  I painted her thinking of a concentration guard standing trial...........looks more like a waitress who has dropped the cakes.

 Callie kept me company.

 I have been thinking of the Ice Age Art exhibition at the BM, so tried to have a go at a rock carving thing by making a plaster mould from clay in a box.  Tutor helped me make the box, being as I am a poor woman with no skill with nails [well that's about true really] but of course he had his pride and made it so meticulously, with so many nails and glue I could hardly break her out.
 She looks a bit jolly, so i added blood....lots of significance and gravitas, but not sure it quietens her down any.

 Big Nuddey went down well with tutor, but still work to do, surprisingly enough.  Also managed to fit plaster man into car and got him to sculpture room , only breaking one arm on the way.  Boo.  Tutor told me ...more work is needed, so had about him with saw and scraper thing [plaster man, not tutor] and bandaged his arm with mud rock.
While we were working some students came down from RSA to crit some of the 3rd years work.
A man sized banana received some very weird esoteric suggestions, mostly referencing penises, maker opined it was just a banana, which received silent applause from moi.
Daisy thought it was all rubbish and concentrated on telling the birds outside what for.  They ignored her as she doesn't go outside.  Some females have mouths bigger than their aspirations.

Thatcher's funeral is on gog at the mo, see above.

don't stare at the sun

Being a self starter in any area is exhausting at times.  The voice in your head doesn't help, asking, on a loop of derision, why are you even bothering. 

Having paid stupid university fees and joined a group moving erratically forward [sometimes in the same direction], and above all being required to prioritise the enterprise above straightening the curtains does help, I find.

However I get more work done in the holidays, without those pesky tutors and their power point presentations.

Goodness knows if I can get CW into the car [named after my slim son]   I like the Richard Hawley song so i thought I would make something from it...................

 Thinking of ambiguous titles will hopefully add some subtlety to my work!!

 Have been adding a slight tinge of pink to Big Nuddey [example of my subtlety] as if she is just alive, not dead yet, like so many of us, .......needs more sun perhaps?  However today the whining had to stop as the temp. went into double figures, 10 and the sun was warm.  We walked by the river in a daze.

finally cracked up

dead or alive

My three Graces have decayed into their Dance of Death.  One is painted with walnut ink, one with the ink and wax and the third with plaster and ink. Wondering whether to stitch them a bit or add danglies, but fear they will become too zombie like.

The phrase on the shroud is taken from Elizabeth Parker's "sampler" [at the V&A.  This is her last  line.  Mostly tea and walnut ink.  Sadly have run out of the ink.
Am trying to do this figure from wire and plaster. Tutor kindly welded 3 struts of scrap metal together, as it is the holidays, I am attempting to plaster it at home.  Very messy. Him Indoors kindly screwed the feet to the base so it would stand up [I do know the true worth and purpose of men = to do the things I can't or won't do] and I slaved away all day,.
Dog was very perplexed, couldn't see the sense in it at all, can you eat it, does it go walkies, so what on earth do you think you are achieving!?

It needs a lot of work, or the doggie may be right.  It also has a dramatic wobble which won't please Him Indoors.It is called Please don't Stare at the Sun......

Kettle's Yard Cambridge

Very intriguing place. www.kettlesyard.co.uk/  used to owned by a couple in the 1950-70s who turned their home into a Gallery, and when they left bequeathed it to Cambridge under strict instructions not to change anything, tho they do have the occasional extra exhibition.

The ambiance [only word applicable in this case, so tasteful but homely - so I didn't get antsy about wealthy peeps being enabled to enjoy a lifestyle I would love to be able to join, and look down on the plebs] is calm but stimulating. 
Loved the paintings and sculpture, mostly by their friends whom they championed ruthlessly, which also made their collection worth more,  it is such accessible art, and eclectic so I never lost interest, but also because of the thoughtful way it had been arranged, in sympathetic groupings.
 Oh those middle classes, so much time to think, but it is free on entry so they spread it around.  Word has it that Mrs. wasn't so keen on the plebs trudging through her house and eventually they returned to Edinburgh.

Chat by Curator Rosie was interesting, about the history of the place, I'm not as bored as I look.
The top textile piece in this entry was unknown even to Rosie, sadly the situation for so many textile artists.  Mutter.

Loved the simplicity of this portrait, another plus of the place was that there were no labels, quite relaxing not to have a pre-informed opinion, all art was equal [unless one is a connoisseur of  early 20th century art ]   The bird swallowing a fish is so full of energy, yet cool as chips.  Henri Gaudier-Brzeska, killed in 1915, WWI, lots of lively sketches by him too.

Spent a couple of hours there, and loved it!!

next door was the Contemporary Art Annexe - in and out in five minutes.

nine lives plus one

This ghostly figure, I constructed from wire and plaster, is probably how I feel sometimes, trying to drag myself to school and produce something I like.

Our assessments were OK, if somewhat inflammatory by the end of a long morning when the tutor was getting tired of us snapping at his ankles. 

When we whine we can't make head or tail of what he is intoning, he snaps "well do you want me to bring you up to my level, or should I come down to yours". 

What we want is to meet in the middle, but like most tutors he has no teacher training, so all he can do is tell us what he knows, and so far we haven't go that far up the ladder.But he did say lots that was useful as well, as he went one by one thru our sorry offerings and maybe one day we will reach the peaks of his experience.

It is quite invigorating having him around, instead of the incessant - oh that's awesome, when I am fully aware it isn't.

Did a portrait tutorial too this week, actual handouts and organisation, tutor is an ex-graduate doing her year teaching experience.

Also had a little trip out [sorely needed to escape the treadmill [which in the main i am enjoying, honest] my textile group went to Colchester to see Nine Lives exhibition by a colleague at Slack Space.

This is a movable exhibition space the council enable to take over empty premises for a while.

Nine artists created a "collection" that would explore the life of a person.  It was very interesting and creative.  Also there was an exhibition of degree? artists exploring ......narrative, text? books in inventive ways, very stimulating.  Good to see other minds at work.

still life

Another day another brush stroke, some improve, some don't.  Taking pics of progress is helpful, as until now I am usually convinced my first try was better, and that I have fiddled too much and ruined it, blaming City and Guilds Creative Embroidery and the incessant "layering".  Now trying to cut back, or in recent work no stitches at all!  

Shroud ........may have to bury it!.

mouldy day

Some big wig came round yesterday, asked me how I was finding college, I said brightly "challenging" as i know bigwigs like to hear that kimd of thing. As she passed gracefully on her way extolling the virtues of the cold dreary ill resourced sculpture room to her visitor I was glad she didn't have a follow up question, as I might have added...........challenging to my patience as I have been waiting most of the day for our over worked technician to have the time to introduce me to the rubber melting machine.  Not a thing I wanted to approach without company.

After spending all day Friday, 7 solid hours of chipping plaster from the mould round the clay head, I was hoping to have a go at the easier melted rubber system.  It entails chopping up wodges of rubbery stuff, chucking into a heated metal thingy and waiting for the ooze to run out the bottom, don't get it on your fingers.  Very hot green and sticky.
Outside one of the 3rd years had constructed a small furnace from a large vegetable oil can, lined with concrete and powered by a hair dryer and tube which raised the temperature to the 600+degrees necessay to melt aluminium  [mostly what looked like televison aerials] to then pour into moulds to make ingots. 
All the male staff gathered at various times to give him advice and encouragement and extra bits of stuff to melt.  [Later he had a BBQ with much references to Queenies gastro enteritus.]
It did feel very art schooly.
Finally our techie got round to my moulding and performed the trick in a matter of minutes.  I was exhausted just from holding my tongue and not storming out while I was waiting.  Nothing is timetable/organised in this place but somehow in the end, if you persevere, things will get made.
The painting is a self portraitish started at w/e, too cold for a nude.  It got considerably worse as I fiddled so have to have another go today, would like to set fire to it but have an Assessment on Monday and must put something in.

started but not finished

Exploring the concept of the older woman....................in paint and clay. This isn't a self portrait, tho in some ways it could be as I do find this whole studying thing very tiring, and feel over whelmed,  no way I could do full time, too old.  I should learn to Salute the Sun each morning instead of turning 6 Music up very loud and banging my fist.  I think quite a lot of the students feel the pressure, which is not what one expects really, especially on a Fine Arts course.  Should be a doddle, but somehow the tutors just laconically throw out endless ideas and projects and look surprised when we blanch,.   it's not that i don't want to take them up on site specific installations, charity sculpture challenges, etc etc it's just there isn't room in my head to form up what I am supposed to be doing.  I guess it is like schoolkids doing GCSE continuous assessment, you never know when you are finished.  Give me a 3 hour exam any day.  No i don't mean that, never again, i laid down my last exam paper some years back and swore I would never do that again. 

Tutor suggests I could also make a textile sculpture..........with some of my rusted fabric.  And paint a life size portrait.  Any volunteers.  Much too cold for a nude.

Monday funday

 Very chirpy day at college.  Had painting tutorial in the morning, and tutor was encouraging.  I had gessoed a couple of hardboards and painted with acrylics.  The first more successful than the second but we learn from our problems............hopefully.  Haven't done much painting so have a arbitrary collection of brushes from the artist to the decorating, but it is stimulating to get such a quick result of mark making [as they say] as compared to cutting, fiddling and stitching.  And acrylics dry so quickly  a new thought can be attempted even more quickly than unstitching and stitching something else.
Sadly i will end up with a load of boards to add to the pile of textile pieces that have not been sold yet.

 Can move one obstinate piece tho as the third years have an auction of donated art works [1st and 2nd years are shut in a cupboard till they cough up] coming up, so donated my "Tracy Emin" look alike blanket which is unlikely to sell in the local exhibitions.  It concerns eating problems and the female position as "sin eater" [reference to Eve and original sin and women's guilt etc. etc.]          Embarrassing if it doesn't sell at the auction, but that's their problem.

Monday afternoon was a hoot.  We piled into the sculpture room and were provided with the structure on which to build a clay portrait of each other. Much giggling and high spirits at our end of the table. Mine was tasteful rather than exciting.  R's one of me was libellous but much more fun.  Next week we hope to learn to make moulds.